Shut Up Already

Why Am I Up So Early?

Peep hobbits

Aha!  I'm being tricky by posting before you're even at work.  You love me as a nanny.

I am eating a delicious bowl of Golden Grahams cereal.  It is one of the most perfect foods in creation.  And since we're already being  candid about our inability to resist carbs, let me also tell you about a surprising discovery I made--or rather, came to terms with--yesterday.

Bunny-shaped Peeps are better.  I know there should be no discernible difference, because bunny Peeps and chick Peeps are the exact same thing, cut into different whimsical shapes.  And I would eat a chicky Peep; don't return my Easter basket on that score. But I submit to you that the bunny Peeps taste is superior.  I think it's because the stalening* process is particularly effective on bunny Peep ears, rendering them particularly toothsome.  Chicky Peeps, of course, do not have ears, and their beaks are too small to be a worthwhile substitute.

* Stalening is the scientific name for the process whereby Peeps are exposed to oxygen while they achieve the optimum crunchy/soft ratio.  A tip: if you are afraid that your home will be overrun with mice again if you stalen Peeps on your counter, try placing the partially-open packages in the refrigerator.  There is a slight risk that they will absorb some wayward fridge odors, but if they do then you have some other issues you need to address.

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The iPod fund is holding strong at $168 and change (Amazon takes 3%, which is why the number is weird.) That is an awesome result for only six days.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  See how I'm updating all the time to show my gratitude?

Call me Farmer (Crippled Liver) Brown

The food I was served growing up was not gourmet. We had never heard of arugula. Parmesan cheese came in green cans exclusively. Party food was cheese and crackers and summer sausage; maybe cocktail wieners in the crockpot, dressed in a mixture of ketchup and grape jelly (much better than it sounds, actually.). I recall the excitement generated at one memorable Ohio State vs. Michigan football party when my fifth-grade teacher (aka Grandma’s next door neighbor and wife of my mother’s first kiss) brought Hawaiian wings. The soy! The pineapple! The daring juxtaposition!

My dad’s side of the family was more daring—an uncle once brought stuffed grape leaves, and no one in my mom’s family believed me when I told them—but that brought its own set of problems. My parents were divorced, and my sister was one of those kids who tried to control her surroundings by controlling what she ate. The list of unacceptable foods is vast and multi-layered; some items are OK raw but not cooked, or vice versa; some solo but not as an ingredient; sometimes only a certain brand is acceptable and everything else is anathema. I’d say I couldn’t possibly explain them all, but the truth is that after a lifetime of study, I could. I was her royal taster, charged with protecting her from verboten items. Was there sour cream in the mashed potatoes? I would taste first and feign delight, asking, Aunt so-and-so, how did you make these? They’re so good! I can spot cream cheese icing at twenty paces, and my sister and I became masters of non-verbal communication; I’d shake my head or nod as each item was passed to her.

What Nino and I Have In Common

I had a good eating weekend.

Saturday lunch: tapas at Jaleo. Shrimp with lemon and garlic; housemade chorizo with mashed potatoes; tomato bread with manchego; roasted asparagus with romesco sauce; curiously bland but beautiful cured pork loin, sliced paper thin; more pork loin with roasted figs (which I can just now eat again, haviong leared that they contain dead little bees) in a sherry sauce; and a potato and onion "tortilla", or omelette, which my father was shocked to discover was being served at room temperature. Worked for me, but then I am a very pretentious eater. At another point, my sister and stepmother had a whole rant session together about People Like Me who eat head-on shrimp. I see the point, but again I say--works for me.

Saturday night: a half-dozen raw oysters and an equal number of GARGANTUAN shrimp, which I waited nearly two hours for the privilege of eating at Old Ebbitt Grill. I also had my first ever corned beef and cabbage, which is crazy considering that I served it every day for years and years. It's...OK. It seems like one might prepare beef that way for storage purposes rather than gourmet ones, but as a person who eats shrimp with their googly little heads attached, I say to each her own.

I also had a very good wine at Old Ebbitt, Hunter's Sauvignon Blanc from Australia. It was voted the number one wine to drink with oysters by...someone.

When I asked for another glass, the bartender, a very officious sort of man, said, "It's very good, isn't it?"

"Yes," I replied, "it really is. Very citrusy." (Bring on the snotty wine terms!)

"Justice Scalia told me that it's his very favorite," he said, eagerly anticipating my reaction to finding out that I share such an important opinion with such an important man.

"What?" I asked. I'd sampled the wine some during my two-hour wait.

"Justice Scalia told me that it's his very favorite," he repeated, a little slower since I was obviously such a rube.

"Well, I'm not a big fan of Antonin," I said. (I think he's despicable.) "But it's still a very good wine."

He looked shocked. Clearly, the wrong reaction. Was he Scalia's son or something? No, just a very conservative name dropper, as it turned out.

This is a very Washington kind of story, FYI. Which may mean that none of you care.

Then on Sunday, after we bid adieu to the 'rents, we drove a ridiculously long distance to wait in a very long line to try Pollo Campero, the chicken sensation of the Central and South American world, which recently opened up a store in VA. It's a fast food joint with parking attendants to help manage the traffic. As a scene, I rate it very highly. As chicken, I'd say it's good but not THAT good. It's also handily located next to a Trader Joe's, which explains why I'm eating Cranberry Circle cookies for breakfast right now.