Smoke 'em If You Got 'em

Well, I passed another milestone on the nonsmoker path today: I went to a coffee shop with my Rio and a book and spent an hour sipping a latte.  In my youth, I used to spend hours and hours at the Starbucks on Dupont Circle, drinking coffee and reading and smoking up a storm.  This was during a time--if you can imagine such a thing--when we had no cell phones, and my friends would walk by and say "I was looking for you, and I knew you'd be here."

This was also during the time--if you can imagine such a thing--before most of my friends abandoned me moved away.  (Not that I don't love the ones who remain; there just used to be a lot more.)

Anyway, I passed many happy hours there.  It was the perfect amount of socializing for me; among people, but not with them; plenty of things to orally fixate upon; occasional surprise visits from people I like.  Oh, and my favorite bookstore next door.  The perfect day would involve at least two new books (in case one sucked), the new New Yorker, and a City Paper.  And three giant lattes and 500 cigarettes.  I'd be trembling like a sacrificial virgin when I left.

Which brings me back to how hard this not smoking thing still is.  It's not a constant thing, but every once in a while--like, once every couple of days-- I get totally gobsmacked by a fierce desire for a smoke.  It's not a physical craving so much as it is a kind if deep, nostalgic longing, like the desire to see an old lover you fell when you pass someone who smells like they did. 

I've spent a lot of time musing about what I could set on fire and inhale that would not endanger my, er, sobriety.  Cigars?  Pipe?  Clove cigarettes?  A nice joint?  Beedies?  A hookah?  Incense?  (I do have a weird desire to take my agnostic ass to Mass now that PJPII is dying.  I think it's encoded in my Catholic DNA.)  Nothing presents itself as a good option.  I've also been pondering what, exactly, I'd be willing to give up for the option of a healthy cigarette; I think I'd part with most of the fingers on my left hand, not including the thumb, and maybe my right pinky.  It's crooked anyway.

I hope I can look back at this post some day and shake my head fondly at how silly I was about all of this.  Maybe I just need to get out of Connecticut.

Comments

[StepMonster]

At least you get some sort of return from a nice joint (other than lung cancer, that is).

Sounds like a nice time. And 2 out of 3 (coffee and reading, without the smoke) ain't bad.

But you really need to get out of CT.

[Melissa]

RIO? Did you say RIO? What happened to the iPod?
Oh, and about the cravings? Most likely they'll pass but don't ever think you're silly. It's a real, difficult tough addiction to crack and you're doing great.
But now let's get back to the important stuff--A RIO? Do you just not have enough for the iPod yet, or did you change your mind?