You know what would make this blog much more kick-ass and state-of-the-art?
A happy, fulfilled, self-assured blogger.
You know what would make this blogger more happy, fulfilled, and self-assured?
Income? Yes, but we all know we're not in full-time job mental health status right now.
A boyfriend? Would be fun, but I'm not shallow enough to say that would fulfill me. Women my age can't say shit like that or they get kicked out of the sisterhood, and rightfully so. Still, if you know anyone who's
hard up single...
A hot new haircut? I already gave myself that. So far, nothin'.
No, I think it's clear that the answer is AN iPOD. A shiny, pretty, useful, hip iPod. I would look so beautiful with an iPod. The white cords would be so striking against my auburn tresses. I would learn about new music, and that's so important for a woman my age. I can't afford to seem dowdy. And plus, since I am pretty much constantly alone, I could play my pretty, pretty iPod to drown out the voices in my head.
Yes, it's clear that an iPod is really where it's at. But since we all know that I don't have a job, I can't exactly go buy myself one. And since my mom and sister are taking me to Costa Rica for my upcoming Big Birthday, odds are that they are not also buying me an iPod.
But how good would I look IN Costa Rica with an iPod? Very good.
So, I thought we could go the "it takes a village" route, and you could buy me an iPod. Not you, the individual you, but You, the collective readers of this blog. (If we were French I could have said vous. Spanish, vosotros. English is so limited sometimes.) And to repay you for your kindhearted birthday iPod generosity, I would write like the organ grinder's monkey dances; on command, and humorously, but also bitterly. I would not bite nor throw my own feces at you, because I would be eternally grateful.
Also, I will be your friend. Forever.
C'mon, y'all. I need to learn some Latin pop and brush up on my reggae for the upcoming trip. I've set up a handy-dandy donation page through Amazon. The page is also linked in the right hand sidebar.
I love you. You look so good today. Have you been losing weight?