Shut Up Already

Only 7 More Days Until We Take Back the White House

Banana Republicans

(I'm still employed, as far as I know)

Haiku For Summer

DC in July
Air always smells like sewage
Like the heat's not enough

At lunch, while smoking
Skin burns to leathery crisp
Long sleeves no option

Sister hates AC
This is indefensible.
Only to bug me

Nothing grosser than
Stinking bus seats, pre-moistened
With sweat of strangers

All food must be cold
Until at least September
Love you, gazpacho

O firecrackers
Fourth of July is long past
Stop scaring my dog

Neighbors homes hot too
They spend all night in the street
Go home, I'm sleeping

Fucking mosquitoes
My yard is aswarm, like hell
Sawmp city, baby

It's not their fault

REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN (source)
From Maryse Schild of the PD support group

The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is
a chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political,
and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans' unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably
high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle. Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited.

The Multiligual Ugly American

I need to go abroad just so I can use some of these phrases:

Some favorites:

No, I've always enjoyed simple-minded ethnic humor. Non, je suis passionné par l'humour racial crétin.
¡Pero claro que me encantan los chistes raciales idióticos!
Nein, ich habe schon immer flache rassistische Witze gemocht.

Have you ever considered that we might be insulted because you haven't learned English?
Vous n'avez jamais réfléchi sans doute qu'on peut se considérer insultés, nous, parce que vous avez pas appris l'anglais, vous ?
¿Jamás se le occurió que nosotros nos sentiríamos insultados porque ustedes nunca aprendieron inglés?
Haben sie je daran gedacht, dass wir beleidigt sein könnten, weil Sie kein Englisch gelernt haben?

If I died tonight I'd be saved, but you would burn in hell.
Si je mourais ce soir je serais sauvé[e], mais vous brûleriez en enfer.
Si yo me muriera esta noche, me iría al cielo; en cambio usted iría a quemarse al infierno.
Wenn ich heute nacht sterben würde, würde meine Seele gerettet werden, aber du würdest in der Hölle schmoren.