So Freaking Tired

I'm back from Philly, but I am not at all recovered.  I worked over 60 hours in 4 days, much of it spent on the move. 

My feet hurt.

But I loved it, really.  Maybe meeting planning is where it's at for me.  Who knows?

I'm having a hard time knowing what to blog about lately.  I'm spinning my wheels a little bit, and while I think that's what I need to be doing right now, it isn't excellent blog fodder.  I'm a little stymied by how many people are reading this thing lately, too; on the one hand, I'm glad because it keeps me from spilling undiluted angst all over the interweb, but on the other hand...hello, I have a lot of angst, as an unemployed, single, 30 year old woman who has no idea what she wants to do with her life.  I find myself wishing that this blog was a secret, so that I could be less circumspect about what I say here. 

But then I'd have to be more circumspect about the existence of this blog--or at least a little circumspect--and that would kind of suck, too.  Readership is, at the end of the day, how I measure the success of this thing I spend so much time on.  I wish that weren't true, but it is (well, level of readership and number of comments).   But, true to every other experience I've ever had, the more successful this project becomes the more dissatisfied I am.  I wish I'd done it all differently, want to start over, etc.  I am my own worst enemy that way, and even recognizing what's happening doesn't stop the process.

So, I'm so tired I can't sort out my thoughts.   I feel restless and anxious lately, and bored with my whole life.  Every day, I become convinced that what I need and want is something totally different than what I needed and wanted yesterday.  On the one hand, I kind of think that restlessness is my lot in life, and that a certain level of unhealthy anxiety is my genetic legacy, so I just have to learn to adapt and use it (them) to my advantage.  But I get so tired of second-guessing myself all the time. 

I have a whole other entry stewing about work-related stuff that I've realized since I've been back here, but I'm too tired to post it now.  Later, dudes.

Comments

[Mark]

Just fyi, Jessica Cutler was sued by "RS" for breach of privacy when she talked about her "relationship" with him on her "Washingtonienne" blog. So as to being circumspect, make sure you don't name names when you have wild monkey sex.

Of course, she also received a $300K advance for her book, which comes out in June, so maybe that has something to do with it.