Hi. I'm still jobless and uninsured and in Connecticut. I did shower today, but I have been unable so far to fulfill my dual objectives of applying for at least one job and going to see a movie.
I did find sis and myself a fly hotel in midtown Manhattan for 100/night. That gave me a brief frisson of accomplishment.
Later, I get to go buy rice cereal and formula, AND stop by the bank. Envy me. I've given myself stern instructions not to buy any junk food but it is hard as I have stripped all other pleasures from my life.
Which reminds me: my mother smoked while she was pregnant, and while she was breast-feeding me. My neural pathways have almost never been without the sweet sweet elixir known as nicotine. Perhaps it's not meant to be. Maybe the early death I'm sure to suffer if I start smoking again is the Universe's way of controlling population. Maybe I'm subverting the intended order of things by NOT smoking.
All of which is to say that while quitting has been easier in some respects than I would have imagined, my current quality of life is for shit. Tell me, nonsmokers: how do you think? How do you puzzle out life's mysteries without a cigarette and a beverage? I honestly have no idea. Also, since I am not smoking and not working, I have no reason to ever set foot outside my home. This means most of you will never lay eyes on me again.
See why I haven't been blogging? Brace yourselves, because a series of posts about what taking care of this child has done to my ideas of motherhood is forthcoming, and existential crisis or no, I am about to turn fucking 30. Don't say I didn't warn you.