My new red sofa was not delivered as promised. It's not currently available. When I called the customer service department to find out where it was, since no one had bothered to call me and tell me it wasn't coming, someone picked up the ringing phone and hung up on me.
Then, when I said I didn't understand how it could be unavailable, since I'd called to confirm two days ago and everything was hunky-dory, my customer service rep said, "They say a lot of things to customers," in the weariest voice you've ever heard. I have a bad feeling.
When I googled Marlo Furniture to find the customer service number initially, my results showed umpteen dickety bazillion complaint sites. It was rather frightening, since they already have my money. And since the old couch is headed 'toward the light' this Friday. Looks like we'll be sitting on lawn furniture in the living room of our house on the anniversary of our closing date. Nothing like backsliding to make a girl feel good as winter approaches.
NOTE: I was advised to edit this post because of confidentiality concerns. Now that everyone I know reads this blog, I can't write about anything too personal. It bums me out sometimes, but I am a whore for readers. And more to the point, someone gave me advice, and I took it. See? It's a two-way street. I do my part. And now ALL of the examples below are fictional. Honest.
In other news, why don't people listen to me? Time after time, I'm proven correct. Even my mother says I'm a good judge of character. If I have a funny feeling about someone, that someone will usually end up stealing your spare change or making out with your friend while you're in the bathroom. Even when I reasonably, calmly remind people of the facts, and back them up with empirical evidence and supporting witnesses, some people will reject my conclusions. This whole 'letting people make their own mistakes' is hard for me. They don't have to make these mistakes if they would only LISTEN TO ME. I am the voice of truth in the wilderness. I have good spidey sense.
If I say, You should wait a second before you cross the street, what I mean is, there's a bus coming. Stop! If you live, will you listen next time?
If I say, Are you sure you need another drink? what I mean is, As your friend I have to tell you that one more drink is going to make you do something horribly moronic and regrettable. If you show up the next day with a subway grate imprinted on your cheek, can we not agree that I was right?
If I say, Do you really want to go home with him/her? what I mean is, I'm pretty sure that you'll be sorry if you let your volvo come into contact with the penissary area (or vice versa, or vice vice) of that unhygienic skank who's so drunk he can't focus both eyes at once, and furthermore all of the people here witnessing this debacle will make sure you're never able to let this incident recede into the misty alcoholic past. If you wake up the next morning moaning in horror and consider chewing off a limb to escape undetected, can we not avoid this the next time by heeding my suggestion? I think so.
Who could deny such common sense advice? You'd be surprised. I wonder if there's a certification course I could take that would net me some sort of credentials as a clear-eyed dispenser of good counsel. I could have a little badge or something that I could take to bars (which is inevitably where my best advice is dispensed). I could have a book with case histories of other people who have come to me for advice over the years, and what happened when they failed to heed me. But with no identifying details! That would be wrong. I could cover it in denim and call it the Bad Idea Jeans! book. Something light-hearted like that. Then, when you say, I know he's a little older than me, and he has these funny red bumps on his penissary, and he won't give me any of his contact information, but I think I really love him! and try to ignore me when I suggest that you leave, I can refer you to a similar case and let you judge for yourself.
Although you shouldn't need that because really, I'm always right. Ask anybody.