So here's a weird bit of synchronicity:
After my last, whiney blog post and the good cry it engendered, a sort of miracle happened. I was talking to my mom, who has never seen this blog, and she raised the subject of school, as she has been doing lately. Could I do this, or this or this. She knows how important it is to me to get my degree, and plus she knows I'm not having kids until I do. Upshot: she secured a loan and is going to lend me the money for school this winter.
I won't go back to GW, because I still can't pay for it. Graduating from there would be a sweet ending to this saga, but I can give that particular dream up easily. (I just spaced out for five minutes, imagining the graduation party I'm going to throw myself). I'm hoping to go to George Mason University. I don't know much about it, except that it's cheap and nearby and I know relatively intelligent people who have graduated from there.
I'll still work full time, so school will be something of a slog, but I don't care. I'm motivated. Scared, but motivated. I went home from work last night and fell deeply asleep on the couch for two hours; that's my stress-coping mechanism. My brain doesn't know what to do with itself, now that we officially have no reason to be depressed any more. What will we do now? Live or something? Weird!
I started filling out my application yesterday, and realized that I can't remember the timeline of my last two years at GW at all. When I went to school, when I quit. I can't remember anything. Either I was in worse shape at the time than I had supposed, or I've just blocked it out since then. Stupid, stupid me.
All in the past now. Buy me some highlighters; I'm going back to school.