1. Talk about politics with friends and family members who plan to vote for Bush. I know I’m supposed to be evangelizing and all, and I obviously have all of the facts plus common sense on my side, but I will still refrain. My sister recently called me “strident” and my mom’s family already thinks I’m weird, so no politics. I mean it this time. No, really.
2. Walk the dog. Dogs in Ohio are not the pampered little kings and queens you see in urban centers in the East. No, they are a rough and hearty breed who pee in the backyard and LIKE it. Take that, Tsunami, you little dictator! (Kidding here. Dog gets to run around in the woods all the time when we’re home.)
3. Go to a bar. For the life of me I can’t figure out how people go out drinking in a land with no cabs. In theory, either Bree or I could remain sober and drive the other one home, but in practice sitting in a crap bar in central Ohio, your only hope of excitement a white trash bar fight, politely sipping Diet Coke is just about the most hellish way possible to spend an evening. Plus, coming out of the bar and seeing all of the other drunkards get behind the wheel is absolutely spine-chilling. Here at Shut Up Already, our one unbreakable rule is that drinking and driving is wrong and people who do it are bad.
4. Eat Thai food. (Or any other ethnic food. Unless Amish counts; they do make excellent chicken and noodles.)
5. Ply my aunt with drinks and get her to talk about the brewing family inheritance legal drama. Even though she wouldn’t be driving anywhere, and I deserve to know what she knows, this would be WRONG. Embroiling myself in affairs that have nothing to do with me because I think that I can fix them if I have all of the facts is not smart. Even though I really could fix it. But that’s not the point! Maintain proper boundaries! (Note to self: do I have therapist’s new number in cell phone?)
6. Attend a funeral. Hey, this is what I usually do in Ohio so the fact that none are planned seem significant.