Memo to Terry McAuliffe re: Campaigning in Ohio
Dear Kerry campaign staff,
Me here again...you must be really busy, because you haven't been returning my calls. I know how it is when the election cycle heats up! I just wanted to offer you a few tips about campaign spots in Ohio. Please credit me by first name only, as my crazy family votes Republican and I don't want them to know I'm using our relationship against them.
Serious male announcer speaks over images of GWB looking smarmy (note; these are easy to find)
Republicans want you to believe that the most serious issue facing Ohioans this election season is gay marriage. But don't you want your President spending his time on the things that really matter to you?
(Cue photo of food lines)
On President Bush's watch, Ohio has lost 270,000 manufacturing jobs. The President doesn't understand that not everyone has his family connections to fall back on in times of need (cue photo montage of Bush as baseball team owner, riding horse on huge ranch, hobnobbing with other sneering white men, inc. his father). The President keeps promising you tax cuts, but where will that money come from if you don't have a paycheck? John Kerry pledges to bring these jobs back to Ohio.
President Bush has sent thousands of your sons, daughters, and other loved ones overseas to fight his war on terror. (cue photos of servicepeople hugging their families as they leave). He doesn't understand the toll this takes on families left behind. (Cue photos of headlines re Bush's non-service in Vietnam). In fact, the president doesn't understand much about what motivates these brave men and women to serve their country at all (cue photo of newspaper quote from Bush re blowing his eardrum out to avoid Vietnam). John Kerry has a plan for bringing our loved ones home, and he has the experience to back that plan up. (cue photo of Kerry receiving medals)
The president has asked Congress for the right to look at your private financial records and personal emails without your consent or knowledge. His PATRIOT ACT has made it legal to detain U.S. citizens indefinitely, in a secret location, without being charged. The President wants to know the names of the library books you read to your children. John Kerry wants to give you back your civil liberties.
The president wants to alter the Constitution of the United States to pacify special interest groups who supported him in 2000 (cue photos of ugly, snarling, dingy Christian Coalition types waving placards, mouths agape and howling mindlessly; these are also easy to come by). John Kerry thinks that the Constitution doesn't need any help from George Bush to be complete (cue photo of Bush looking particularly stupid; I have several of these saved on my desktop)
President Bush doesn't understand the needs of people like you. John Kerry cares, and he will fight to get your jobs and loved ones back where they belong, and to restore the civil liberties that the Bush administration has taken away from you. Vote for John Kerry on Super Tuesday.
Lunch next week?
DCGirl (but from Ohio)