New Year's Resolutions
1. Be skinny and ravishing and witty by spring
2. Stop smoking no matter what.
3. Make a budget.
4. Live on my budget.
5. Figure out what kind of job I really want and how to get it.
6. Write a little every day and see if anything comes of it, or stop imgining self as frustrated
essayist whose place in the literary world has been usurped by David Sedaris.
7. Keep my room clean like a big girl.
8. Have more men in nice clean room for nefarious purposes.
9. Spend more time with my friends, even though giving up cigarettes means I'll never enjoy
a conversation or beer or book ever again. Convince self that intact alveoli are adequate
10. Spend less time in Ohio. Take time off to stay home for once.
11. Have sparkling clean bathroom at all times.
12. Eat 90% of weird, expensive cheese purchased or desist compulsive buying altogether.
13. Train dog not to bark at children in case I have one someday.
14. Start savings account for eventual purchase of frozen sperm in case Plan A (true love)
and Plan B (gay friend) fall through.
15. Work much harder at job.
16. Wear makeup at least 4 days a week in case Prince Charming is right in my backyard
and oblivious to un-made-up women.
17. Spend less time reading and more time...doing whatever it is non-readers do. Besides
18. Volunteer for Democrats.